Hope

So the first time I went back to the stable to ride Marve after his freak out, I was pretty nervous. I had spent the previous 24 hours alternating between the attitudes of, "It will be fine! That was just a freak occurrence. I can handle this!" and "OMG I'm going to die!!"

I started grooming Marve and was fairly optimistic...until I learned from the stable girls that he did his crazy bolting thing every other day the previous week with other riders. Another girl had fallen off; the others managed to stay on but apparently were freaked enough to say they didn't want to ride him again.

At that point, I stepped back and looked at Marve and thought it was a foregone conclusion that he would freak out again, as in that very day when I rode him. And I was scared. Super scared. Meanwhile, one of the teenage girls was going on abut how I'd have to get used to it because he was a TB, after all, and that was just what they did. I should suck it up and learn how to ride out a crazy freak-bolt and stop complaining and acting scared.

Wtf? Is being a TB an excuse to be a dangerous, bolting, bucking freak-out monster? Seriously. He was fine for months and now he's freaking out. Couldn't that indicate something was going on? Should I really just "suck it up"? I know TBs have a reputation for being hot, but come on. For him to freak out EVERY time he was ridden last week just didn't seem normal.

At this point, I had finished grooming him and was nearly in tears. Just then the barn manager walked by and asked me how I was. I may or may not have exclaimed something like, "No, I am NOT fine because I'm afraid he's going to dump me again."

Long story short, I ended up in the barn manager's office for nearly a half hour, talking about my fears and what could be going on with Marve. I kind of felt like a kid in an afterschool special, getting advice from the stern schoolmaster. But she was really nice and said I certainly did not have to "get used to it" because clearly something was going on with Marve. Likely, he needed more exercise and less time being cooped up in his stall. I feel a little indignant about this, because DUH. I don't know...I don't feel horses should be stalled all the time, but sometimes that concept seems like a novelty at this barn.

The story ends with me feeling the confident that the BM was looking out for my best interests. I did end up riding him that day. I was nervous and jumpy -- literally, every time I heard a noise a stiffened in the saddle because I was afraid he'd take off. But he was okay. I've ridden him several times since then and he has not freaked out, not even once. I'm having fun riding him again, and for the first time in a week I'm not dreading returning to the stable.

I'm still not fully recovered, though. Frankly, I think he will freak out again while I'm riding him. Whether he gets nervous or spooked or just has too much energy that day, it's probably going to happen. Hopefully, I will be able to use some of the tips people have been giving me and not get hurt or fall off.

But as long as I can get to a point where I'm not constantly afraid it's going to happen, I might be okay. And I might still have fun in the process.