Following Through

Thanks to everyone who left a comment on yesterday's post. I am happy to report that I was true to my word and finally submitted! I actually submitted two different stories to five journals. (Only one story went to each journal...I chose different ones based on each journal's style and word count restrictions.)

Five might not sound like a lot, but it is when you consider that I had to re-read stories in each of those journals to get a refresher on what types of fiction they publish, plus double check their guidelines online, deal with all the envelopes and SASEs, etc. This may also be part of why I haven't been submitting lately -- it's a lot of work. But I am so pleased that those stories are on their way into the world right now. It's about time. And while five is just a teensy little start (who knows how many dozens of times I'll have to submit each story before I maybe get a bite) it is, at least, a start.

Thanks also for the interest in reading my stories. I appreciate that but feel really shy about it. I'm weird that way. I have absolutely no problem sending my stories out to editors, publications, writing groups, writing conferences, writing buddies, etc. But I almost never let other people in my life read my stuff -- that includes my SO, my family, my best friends. I might sometime waver on that soon, but in general I'd rather non-writing people don't read my stuff until it's published. I guess because I know those in the writing world understand how hard it is and what the revision process is like, and I worry my friends and family might read a draft and secretly think it's bad. Writers are an insecure bunch, and I have no doubts I'll be like that for the rest of my life, no matter what success I might have.

I am even embarrassed by stories of mine published years ago. I grow and change so much as a writer, which is also why I haven't submitted in so long. It became a pattern: I wrote a story, revised it, sat on it, revised it several more times, waited a bit and then sent it to like two dozen magazines. Then, three months later, I looked at the story again and saw all sorts of problems and things I wanted to change. Then the rejections started rolling in. So I figured I better wait longer and be really, really sure before submitting again.

For one of the stories I just mailed out, I wrote the first draft in like March of 2007. And who knows if that will be long enough, but if it has stood the test of time in my mind for this long, here's hoping...

Anyway, a brief update on riding and Marve. Things have been going okay, with no major freak outs on his side. On two separate occasions, a horse in the arena noticeably spooked right in front of us, and Marve didn't lose his shit. I am trying to remain calm and confident, and I'm happy to report I didn't even really tense up when those spooks happened. I still feel it will probably happen again, but I am more relaxed about it now, and am not convinced he's going to do it every time or anything.

We've been working on jumping in lessons. Previously, I really looked forward to the opportunity to jump because hey, it's just fun. But now this has gotten me a little afraid at times, too. My position, while improving, is not the most secure, and Marve needs to know his rider is secure and confident coming up to a jump, or he gets nervous. We're just jumping little things, like two feet, but there have been a few times when my lack of experience has caused him to sort of crash into the jump or have a bad take off. There have been no disasters or major problems, fortunately, but a few of those bad jumps made me realize how dangerous jumping could be and shook both my confidence and Marve's. But we always manage to finish the lesson on a good note, which is important, and I can feel my position improving, so I'm optimistic.

As of right now I intend to keep the lease for the time being. I had thought about cutting back or even ending it, what with my fear and time issues, but I'll keep going for now. I am glad I didn't give up after I was so freaked out from that fall, even though part of me never wanted to get on him again. And I've been having fun riding, and can't help looking ahead to the dressage schooling shows that I think will be held in the spring/summer. I don't know yet if my schedule will let me keep the lease up till then, but it is an option.

And now I'm going to force myself to work for several more hours before I leave for the blessed, blessed weekend. Cheers!