Thoughts that go through my head during my not-so-fine moments while riding Mae:

• OMG what would her owner think if she could see me right now?


• Must. Lose. Weight. Immediately.


• How funny is it that I once daydreamed about taking her to some schooling shows this summer?


• Thank god I had the sense to continue with my lessons at the other stable.


• What if she goes lame and I don't notice because I'm clueless so I ride her anyway and make it worse?


• Maybe my problem is that the saddle is too small for me. Or too slippery. Or not shaped right. One of those, anyway.


• I remember being a fearless rider when I was a kid. What the hell happened to me?


• Wish I could ride an older, more bombproof horse.


• Am I being heavy-handed and hurting her mouth?


• I bet she'd go like a dream for a better rider.


• Seriously. When do I even have time to eat enough to be carrying this extra weight?


• Not going to fall off not going to fall off not going to fall off not going to fall off not going to fall off not going to fall off


• I wonder if my photographer friend is good enough to make me somehow look decent while riding.

Ah, well. At least I'm riding. And I promise it's not always that bleak!