Not My Mae

Mae is a beautiful, well-trained, energetic, obedient and affectionate 9-year-old quarter horse mare. She leans into the curry brush when I groom her, she makes happy horse sounds when she sees me (or the carrots) coming her way, and she always gives me this look when I comb her mane, like, "Thank goodness it's just us girls and we can focus on looking pretty." Yeah, she's an awesome horse. But she's not mine.

I'm leasing Mae for the summer while her owner is traveling out of the country. And frankly, while I was thrilled to have stumbled onto this great deal of leasing her for next to nothing, I never would have thought I'd be daydreaming about owning her. At least not this soon. The reality is, at the end of the summer, Mae's owner will (most likely) return and I will end the lease. On the other hand, the owner may might want to keep the lease going because she doesn't have much time to ride Mae. The owner might even be interested in selling her, especially if she has to go overseas again anytime soon.

But here's the deal: I work full-time in a corporate setting. The job, while stressful and time-consuming, is awesome, and as much as I daydream about quitting and moving to a ranch in Montana, I realistically need to rack up some more experience in this field. And besides the job, I'm also a struggling fiction writer (several published short stories under my belt; lots and lots and LOTS more rejections), a full-time best friend and significant other to the guy who lives with me, a volunteer and someone who at least tries to exercise and stay in shape. That doesn't leave me a lot of time for ... much of anything. Yet I seem to be making time for Mae.

I admit that things were hard with Mae at first when I started riding her, and I can't blame her -- it was all me. I'm still rough around the edges in my riding, despite practically growing up while on horseback. But now that I'm finally in a rhythm of riding her several times a week, things are getting better. Not great, but better. And I can only imagine by the end of the summer, things will be even better. And then I'll probably have to say goodbye to her.

In any case, in this blog I will document my insecurities, crazy thoughts, mistakes, successes and mess ups and everything in-between as I try to do good by Mae and be a decent riding partner for her this summer. You'll also hear me whine about how I just can't seem to commit to owning my own horse right now, no matter how much I want one; how I feel totally unpolished and sometimes too fat to ride; that I'm overcome with guilt that I'm riding instead of writing; that I wonder if I'm regressing by this sudden, strong and persistent emergence of my childhood love of horses; and all sorts of other fun stuff. Wish me luck.